I don't know what your definition of rich is, but I certainly know mine. From my view if you have a Facebook account and can access it as often as you want, that's enough proof for me that you are rich. If you go to the bathroom in a toilet that you can count will work when you flush it, you are rich. If you drive a car, shop at the mall, go to the movies, eat out, have a cellphone, TV, silverware, food in the fridge, more than two pairs of shoes, a variety of clothing, if you can afford to travel, if you can eat when you are hungry, if you have options that exceed your need for mere survival, to me, you are rich.
The reason why I feel and know myself to be rich is because I have way, way, way, way, way, way more than what a "poor" person has. To me, if you are not poor (go days being hungry, no decent living standards - such as decent shelter, clothing, food, options) then chances are you are rich.
There are so many rich people with poor mindsets, so many rich people who don't even notice it, people who would laugh if someone else called them rich. The reason why I know I'm FILTHY RICH is because I've seen and experienced many DIRT POOR people. By contrast, I am a drowning in an overabundance of wealth.
I've lived next to people who didn't have a TV, fridge or even a floor! Their shower was an old beat-up hose that was connected to some neighbors water supply. They didn't know what owning a bicycle was, let alone a car. I have seen poverty, people who have to gather logs and light them up while they put whatever food they can find in a can and throw it on the fire while they cough from the smoke the logs create. I have seen people having to take a dump in a hole in the ground. I have seen people having to go days without eating a decent meal, I have seen children whose only nourishment is sugared water because there isn't enough money to buy them a slice of bread.
I AM RICH! And if you are reading this SO ARE YOU! The fact that you have gone decades without noticing doesn't take away the fact that you are. People who have choices to throw a cute outfit together are rich, period. Have you ever gone by a river and smacked your garments on a rock to wash them? Or do you just go to your finished basement and throw your clothes in a washing machine? If you don't know poverty you don't know richness.
We live in a culture of spoiled morons who make 40K a year and are single and they consider themselves anything but rich. Why because you're not Oprah Winfrey? Wake the up and smell the coffee... the coffee your machine makes for you, not the coffee you have to gather, dry, mash and put through your husbands old sock so you can have a drink of it. YOU ARE RICH AND SO AM I and that's the end of the story. Wake up.
As long as it is true that in this world there are MILLIONS of people who have NEVER owned and will never own a TV, a car, a cellphone, a computer, etc. in their lifetime and you and I do... suck it up brat, we're rich. Donald Trump and Oprah are billionaires but that doesn't remove the fact that you and I are rich. God, we're spoiled!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Wake Up (Not Spiritually)
Everybody is already spiritually awake, that's more than clear to me. Everybody is enlightened, alive, awake and pure. That's how I see it. Where people are dreaming and sleeping is in their minds and emotions. Most of us are dreaming of fame, fortune, soul-mates, vacation, perfection, freedom, beauty, love, compassion, peace, heaven, wonder, etc.
Spiritual people especially, people prone to chalking things up to God and having beautiful sayings like "everything happens for a reason," "God will provide," "God's timing," etc. are especially guilty of this.
If you find yourself constantly thinking about the past and how much better or worse it was/could have been/should have been, and/or about the future about how much better or worse it will/could/should be. You are dreaming. If you say things like "I can't wait" excessively and find yourself asking a lot of "Why did that happen that way?" a lot and have thoughts of revenge or are a hope junkie, you are dreaming. If you find the word "hope" to be one of your favorite, you are a dreamer. And sure, Obama used it in the title of that book... but it's all because he knew who he was talking to, people who above all value the American DREAM. (Again, wake up.)
If you are stuck in a notion of "love" similar to the one in the movies you grew up watching, if you are prone to saying and believing saying like "Love conquers all," "All you need is love," "Love will save the day." You are dreaming. If you're constantly thinking about a relationship that ended or are constantly thinking about the relationship mistakes you or your lover make or made, you are dreaming.
The root of most of these dreams is a low self-esteem, low confidence and a really crappy financial life. Financial illiteracy and inverted priorities are the number one reason for being stuck in childish dreams. If how nice your clothes are is more important to you than how organized and clean your room is, you will suffer. If going on vacation is more important than going to the dentist, you will suffer. If going to that concert is more important than paying your electric bill on time, you will suffer. If going to Disney is more important than getting much needed psychotherapy, you will suffer. If going to a party is more important than studying for your next work assignment that requires preparation, you will suffer. If relationship problems are more important than financial problems, you will suffer. If getting hair gel is more important than changing the oil in your car, you will suffer. If buying clothes you don't need is more important that buying groceries, you will suffer. If getting yourself a new computer is more important than helping your struggling mom or dad with a financial issue, you will suffer.
Kids think "me first" - Adults think "my health, my responsibilities, my bank, my bills, my landlord" first.
Kids think "me first" - Adults think "my partner, my children, my house, my family, my friends" first.
DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND. What "me" means at childhood is everything that is within my skin, in other words just what I want, what my body wants, what I want to feel.
To an adult, ME grows. Me doesn't become you and what you want to feel, me becomes your surroundings and the things you need to address, the things that need your attention beyond your physical self. An adult becomes a big self and a kid is a small, individual contracted self. So yes, in reality you should ALWAYS go first, but you must understand that who YOU are is constantly changing. As a child you are just your little body and feelings... seemingly. That's all your limited perception can afford, but as an adult you realize that the ground you are standing on, your FOUNDATION is way greater than just your body and mind. So you start CARING for your WHOLE self and not just yourself. This is growing up... and I think we should raise more awareness on this, because sadly what is happening is that we are getting lost because we don't understand.
There is a chance you don't REALLY understand what I mean by any of this, because writing is limited and so is perceiving -- so do not make the mistake of being sure you understand what I mean. If you want clarification, ask while I am alive and available to answer - do not jump to conclusions. I may mean something totally different than what you THINK I mean. Ultimately I am talking about maturity, responsibility and control.
If you are curious and have questions - I am here to answer. If not, congratulations on having it together or I hope you learn this stuff in your path, sooner rather than later. The world doesn't seem to be able to afford many more adult children... it's very destructive. Good luck!
Spiritual people especially, people prone to chalking things up to God and having beautiful sayings like "everything happens for a reason," "God will provide," "God's timing," etc. are especially guilty of this.
If you find yourself constantly thinking about the past and how much better or worse it was/could have been/should have been, and/or about the future about how much better or worse it will/could/should be. You are dreaming. If you say things like "I can't wait" excessively and find yourself asking a lot of "Why did that happen that way?" a lot and have thoughts of revenge or are a hope junkie, you are dreaming. If you find the word "hope" to be one of your favorite, you are a dreamer. And sure, Obama used it in the title of that book... but it's all because he knew who he was talking to, people who above all value the American DREAM. (Again, wake up.)
If you are stuck in a notion of "love" similar to the one in the movies you grew up watching, if you are prone to saying and believing saying like "Love conquers all," "All you need is love," "Love will save the day." You are dreaming. If you're constantly thinking about a relationship that ended or are constantly thinking about the relationship mistakes you or your lover make or made, you are dreaming.
The root of most of these dreams is a low self-esteem, low confidence and a really crappy financial life. Financial illiteracy and inverted priorities are the number one reason for being stuck in childish dreams. If how nice your clothes are is more important to you than how organized and clean your room is, you will suffer. If going on vacation is more important than going to the dentist, you will suffer. If going to that concert is more important than paying your electric bill on time, you will suffer. If going to Disney is more important than getting much needed psychotherapy, you will suffer. If going to a party is more important than studying for your next work assignment that requires preparation, you will suffer. If relationship problems are more important than financial problems, you will suffer. If getting hair gel is more important than changing the oil in your car, you will suffer. If buying clothes you don't need is more important that buying groceries, you will suffer. If getting yourself a new computer is more important than helping your struggling mom or dad with a financial issue, you will suffer.
Kids think "me first" - Adults think "my health, my responsibilities, my bank, my bills, my landlord" first.
Kids think "me first" - Adults think "my partner, my children, my house, my family, my friends" first.
DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND. What "me" means at childhood is everything that is within my skin, in other words just what I want, what my body wants, what I want to feel.
To an adult, ME grows. Me doesn't become you and what you want to feel, me becomes your surroundings and the things you need to address, the things that need your attention beyond your physical self. An adult becomes a big self and a kid is a small, individual contracted self. So yes, in reality you should ALWAYS go first, but you must understand that who YOU are is constantly changing. As a child you are just your little body and feelings... seemingly. That's all your limited perception can afford, but as an adult you realize that the ground you are standing on, your FOUNDATION is way greater than just your body and mind. So you start CARING for your WHOLE self and not just yourself. This is growing up... and I think we should raise more awareness on this, because sadly what is happening is that we are getting lost because we don't understand.
There is a chance you don't REALLY understand what I mean by any of this, because writing is limited and so is perceiving -- so do not make the mistake of being sure you understand what I mean. If you want clarification, ask while I am alive and available to answer - do not jump to conclusions. I may mean something totally different than what you THINK I mean. Ultimately I am talking about maturity, responsibility and control.
If you are curious and have questions - I am here to answer. If not, congratulations on having it together or I hope you learn this stuff in your path, sooner rather than later. The world doesn't seem to be able to afford many more adult children... it's very destructive. Good luck!
Who Would I Be Without Myself?
Without the sagelike silence of my own soul
Who would I be?
Without the impartial voice of pure consciousness
What would be of me?
A conformist, I never could be
My inner voice speaks too loudly
Unique and authentic
Only the voice of my heart
The light that I am grows
Each time I hear it
I seek nothing
For I lack nothing
This, my voice knows
Without my voice I'd have to depend on foreign voices
I would have to use songs and feelings that I did not write or feel
I would have to depend on advice of beings that most likely failed
No one knows more than I what I'm here for
No one knows more than I what I want
No one knows more than I who I am
Not my mother, not my father - they don't touch my own essence
No one knows exactly what I need to hear as I do
No one is more enlightened for my own life than I am
The same applies to you
If you have the courage to realize
Children need authority
Adults don't
Free yourself and write your own songs
Stop borrowing feelings from others
Create your own life
Do not use others to create it for you
Create your own religion
Just like the great ones did
Create your own genre
Your own book
Stop borrowing already
Live your life from your heart
After all...
Who would you be without yourself?
... Absolutely nobody
Who would I be?
Without the impartial voice of pure consciousness
What would be of me?
A conformist, I never could be
My inner voice speaks too loudly
Unique and authentic
Only the voice of my heart
The light that I am grows
Each time I hear it
I seek nothing
For I lack nothing
This, my voice knows
Without my voice I'd have to depend on foreign voices
I would have to use songs and feelings that I did not write or feel
I would have to depend on advice of beings that most likely failed
No one knows more than I what I'm here for
No one knows more than I what I want
No one knows more than I who I am
Not my mother, not my father - they don't touch my own essence
No one knows exactly what I need to hear as I do
No one is more enlightened for my own life than I am
The same applies to you
If you have the courage to realize
Children need authority
Adults don't
Free yourself and write your own songs
Stop borrowing feelings from others
Create your own life
Do not use others to create it for you
Create your own religion
Just like the great ones did
Create your own genre
Your own book
Stop borrowing already
Live your life from your heart
After all...
Who would you be without yourself?
... Absolutely nobody
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
My Beautiful World
As a wise spiritual teacher, whose name I can’t recall said: "We are not grateful because we are happy, we are happy because we are grateful."
I want to express my deep gratitude for the beautiful path I was given by the Almighty God.
I feel truly blessed to have a beautiful life. I thank God for my beautiful father Paul Weiner and my electric and beautiful mother Angela Jáquez. I thank life for my grandmothers Olga Jáquez and Mildred Weiner. I thank life for having given me four beautiful, amazing and incredible siblings: Fannette Guillen, Benjamin Weiner, Aaron Jáquez and Andres Weiner. The blessing I feel for having had all of you is beyond description. I feel a deep well of infinite gratitude for each and every one of you.
My amazing friends Susana Domínguez, Jennifer Cabrera, Pedro Núñez, Victoria Reyes, Dante Sample, Leonardo Dominguez, Irine Pilavski, Mark Baxter, Eridona Fida, Freddy Fortoso, Víctor Gómez, Mita Prakash, Daniel Forster, Johnny Martínez, Phil Bonacchi, Lindsay Majewski among many others, too many to mention. My sense of gratitude, joy and belonging is magnified whenever I think of any of you.
My vocal students, your trust and belief in me humble me beyond what your imaginations are capable of formulating.
My every day students from my fantastic job: your sweet, innocent and pure faces light my day and ignite my soul brighter than the sun even could.
Speaking of the sun, thank you for illuminating our days, I love your rays and I love your power, the moon as well, for being there to stabilize and regulate the cycles of life on earth. As you know moon, I have a bizarre love affair with you. You make me crazy and sane and creative and destructive. I love you for giving me rhythm and flow.
My amazing jobs, for giving me a sense of purpose and direction in life, for giving me a reason to get up and exercise my gifts and talents and make money while I am at it.
My apartment, my car, my clothes, my computer, my stuff: Although supposedly lifeless, you support my life and make it so much better than it would be without you.
I feel so touched, so loved, so embraced, so whole, so in touch, so loving and so embracing.
My spiritual teacher Adyashanti: you know when to take me and when to leave me. Thank you for no longer taking my calls when you knew I was ready to fly on my own. I’m ready. Thank you for never shutting up. I love you.
I would like to especially thank a man by the name of Marcelo Dotel whose curiosity and skepticism have provided me with the greatest mirrors of all. For this, I will always be grateful. Thank you for showing me what I could have never seen on my own. I am excited to see you grow and progress along with me.
I must thank above all, my soul: for being such a humble and wise student of what is. For never betraying me and always forgiving me. For being relentlessly passionate about what truly matters and what is important. I feel honored to serve the sincerity of my heart. I will forever be imbued with a sense of thankfulness, gratitude, humility and passion for being what I am.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you from the depths of my heart and beyond. My gratitude is immeasurable. My trust for the unknown has become much greater than my trust in the known and for that, I am free.
I want to express my deep gratitude for the beautiful path I was given by the Almighty God.
I feel truly blessed to have a beautiful life. I thank God for my beautiful father Paul Weiner and my electric and beautiful mother Angela Jáquez. I thank life for my grandmothers Olga Jáquez and Mildred Weiner. I thank life for having given me four beautiful, amazing and incredible siblings: Fannette Guillen, Benjamin Weiner, Aaron Jáquez and Andres Weiner. The blessing I feel for having had all of you is beyond description. I feel a deep well of infinite gratitude for each and every one of you.
My amazing friends Susana Domínguez, Jennifer Cabrera, Pedro Núñez, Victoria Reyes, Dante Sample, Leonardo Dominguez, Irine Pilavski, Mark Baxter, Eridona Fida, Freddy Fortoso, Víctor Gómez, Mita Prakash, Daniel Forster, Johnny Martínez, Phil Bonacchi, Lindsay Majewski among many others, too many to mention. My sense of gratitude, joy and belonging is magnified whenever I think of any of you.
My vocal students, your trust and belief in me humble me beyond what your imaginations are capable of formulating.
My every day students from my fantastic job: your sweet, innocent and pure faces light my day and ignite my soul brighter than the sun even could.
Speaking of the sun, thank you for illuminating our days, I love your rays and I love your power, the moon as well, for being there to stabilize and regulate the cycles of life on earth. As you know moon, I have a bizarre love affair with you. You make me crazy and sane and creative and destructive. I love you for giving me rhythm and flow.
My amazing jobs, for giving me a sense of purpose and direction in life, for giving me a reason to get up and exercise my gifts and talents and make money while I am at it.
My apartment, my car, my clothes, my computer, my stuff: Although supposedly lifeless, you support my life and make it so much better than it would be without you.
I feel so touched, so loved, so embraced, so whole, so in touch, so loving and so embracing.
My spiritual teacher Adyashanti: you know when to take me and when to leave me. Thank you for no longer taking my calls when you knew I was ready to fly on my own. I’m ready. Thank you for never shutting up. I love you.
I would like to especially thank a man by the name of Marcelo Dotel whose curiosity and skepticism have provided me with the greatest mirrors of all. For this, I will always be grateful. Thank you for showing me what I could have never seen on my own. I am excited to see you grow and progress along with me.
I must thank above all, my soul: for being such a humble and wise student of what is. For never betraying me and always forgiving me. For being relentlessly passionate about what truly matters and what is important. I feel honored to serve the sincerity of my heart. I will forever be imbued with a sense of thankfulness, gratitude, humility and passion for being what I am.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you from the depths of my heart and beyond. My gratitude is immeasurable. My trust for the unknown has become much greater than my trust in the known and for that, I am free.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Life Vs. Facebook
I don't know about you, but I have over 500 friends. All I do is hike mountains, party, eat delicious meals, go on amazing vacations, visit my family, go to beautiful towns, have amazing times with my friends, enjoy the most awesome life with my boyfriend and live it all the way up. I am a wise guru with always something usually so intelligent, universal and deep that it's mind-blowing. I am perfectly mature and many times very angry at the whole of humanity. Sometimes I'm very funny or sometimes I'm just straight up interesting and cool. I sing, dance and make charming videos displaying all the fun and joy that I am always experiencing. People leave me loving and supportive comments, they tell me what a great person I am and how much they love me. I'm also a heartthrob, I get people hitting on me or telling me how much they adore me through messages. I'm just living the grand Facebook life.
Others may ALWAYS be bored or angry or tired, always going through some trouble, needing help, wanting attention, etc. Some are just always so excited about something in the future, others are just so hurt by the past. Some are just these thriving superstars who are the center of attention. Others are the funny jokesters, drama queens, millionaires, party-animals, hard workers, bodybuilders, sexy beasts, etc.
What is your Facebook saying about you?
Whatever it is, it shares one thing with real life... you can present yourself however you want... or should I say however you think you should.
It's cool in one way and sad in another in the sense that many of us portray an image of ourselves that is inconsistent with reality all because we are afraid of not being accepted if we show who we really are. In fact, we think it's smart to put on a show to catch our prey. The story we tell ourselves is that lying and pretending to be something we are not is okay, because that is who we really are deep down and eventually it will all become true.
Of course, that's not the point of this note though. The point is to make an attempt to expand the mind of the reader as always. To open your eyes in the direction of reality.
Facebook is a bunch of fragments of reality. It's the capturing of MOMENTS in life. Whether it's an event, a mood, a thought, a feeling, whatever. It's very tiny PIECES of symbols that are supposed to represent reality. Many times they're not really representing reality but our illusions or delusions about it.
People in this culture are dishonest enough with themselves without Facebook - give them Facebook and they will outpicture their delusions and illusions sooner than you can say cheese.
There are all these delusional "super models," "super stars," "historical figures," "amazing humans," "make-up artists," "singers," "actors," "kings," "queens," you name it!
There are all these "cool people" with huge personalities and they're so cool and collected. Their lives are so under control and everything is just so magical and perfect. And there is also the other extreme of the deluded "always feeling shitty about life, bored and grumpy." As if either extreme was real.
Here I go: I don't buy your stories of ultimate happiness and I don't buy your stories of ultimate misery. That's not reality. In real life, no one is always happy and no one is always bored. They are both shows. In real life nobody is always at a party and nobody is always smiling. Just like in real life no one is always bored in their room and nobody is always sad and crying.
My hope is that this note can help you see that you are way more than a fixed idea. That you are way more than a persona or an image. That life is way more than Facebook and that all those magazine articles, TV shows and virtual information are incredibly fragmented.
I love when in an interview with Charlie Sheen he is confronted about having been abusive to one of the prostitutes he was sleeping with. He said something like "They don't know me, they're fools. They weren't there, they had no idea what really happened. I feel bad for a person who believes in the media."
This is not only true of people who believe the bad stuff they say about somebody via fragmented pieces of information, but also true about the great and amazing stuff they say about people. Trust me, I know this one for sure... without you knowing, that "amazing incredible human being" you just read about is an immature, self-centered and narcissistic asshole with no grip on reality. Truth is very scarce not only in the our daily social lives, but even more in the media. Don't believe everything you read - exaggerating, lying and sensationalizing are very easy to do. I know, I've done it many times, as have you, so you know.
The people that make me the most sad are the people who buy their own press. The more I notice the illusions the more turned off I get and the less impressed I am by superficial things and accomplishments. People with the greatest sense of fashion and the greatest sense of creating a perfect illusion are such turn-offs. I guess it's the ultimate booby prize of seeing through all of this stuff and maturing some. I've been a pro at selling myself as well, except it never worked too well because my honesty always blew things for me. I always give away my secrets and always end up confessing my lies. I guess nature just made me that way.
In fact, I want to tell you and encourage you to not believe any of the stuff you see on my Facebook. I may have meant something in the moment I wrote it, but once a few minutes have passed I might have changed my mind. Don't believe the story my pictures tell you, because for the most part they say very little about me. Don't buy this article, because I will probably have forgotten that I even wrote it by the time you ask me about it... it happens to me all the time.
Life is too big to cram it into Facebook... so is a personality, a relationship, a family, a soul, a body, a mind. The amount of truth to be found in Facebook is very close to zero. And the same is true for show business. I learned the hard way... and it hurt a lot. Consider yourself warned... life is not what you think it is... it's way more.
PS - By the way... In reality I have less than 10 friends, I have hiked very little, I don't party much at all, the food I eat is usually good, but I usually have to cook it myself. My vacations are not always amazing, I don't really have all that many amazing times, my life is plain, my relationship with my boyfriend has highs and lows, I am far from being a wise guru, I am definitely not perfectly mature (haha), I like to pretend like I'm angry to be cool, but I'm not really that angry, I'm a sensitive cry-baby, people don't always show their love in a nice way to me that much, in fact... that's not even close to true, and I'm just living an ordinary, simple life. Like you are - no matter how much you try to cover it up.
Others may ALWAYS be bored or angry or tired, always going through some trouble, needing help, wanting attention, etc. Some are just always so excited about something in the future, others are just so hurt by the past. Some are just these thriving superstars who are the center of attention. Others are the funny jokesters, drama queens, millionaires, party-animals, hard workers, bodybuilders, sexy beasts, etc.
What is your Facebook saying about you?
Whatever it is, it shares one thing with real life... you can present yourself however you want... or should I say however you think you should.
It's cool in one way and sad in another in the sense that many of us portray an image of ourselves that is inconsistent with reality all because we are afraid of not being accepted if we show who we really are. In fact, we think it's smart to put on a show to catch our prey. The story we tell ourselves is that lying and pretending to be something we are not is okay, because that is who we really are deep down and eventually it will all become true.
Of course, that's not the point of this note though. The point is to make an attempt to expand the mind of the reader as always. To open your eyes in the direction of reality.
Facebook is a bunch of fragments of reality. It's the capturing of MOMENTS in life. Whether it's an event, a mood, a thought, a feeling, whatever. It's very tiny PIECES of symbols that are supposed to represent reality. Many times they're not really representing reality but our illusions or delusions about it.
People in this culture are dishonest enough with themselves without Facebook - give them Facebook and they will outpicture their delusions and illusions sooner than you can say cheese.
There are all these delusional "super models," "super stars," "historical figures," "amazing humans," "make-up artists," "singers," "actors," "kings," "queens," you name it!
There are all these "cool people" with huge personalities and they're so cool and collected. Their lives are so under control and everything is just so magical and perfect. And there is also the other extreme of the deluded "always feeling shitty about life, bored and grumpy." As if either extreme was real.
Here I go: I don't buy your stories of ultimate happiness and I don't buy your stories of ultimate misery. That's not reality. In real life, no one is always happy and no one is always bored. They are both shows. In real life nobody is always at a party and nobody is always smiling. Just like in real life no one is always bored in their room and nobody is always sad and crying.
My hope is that this note can help you see that you are way more than a fixed idea. That you are way more than a persona or an image. That life is way more than Facebook and that all those magazine articles, TV shows and virtual information are incredibly fragmented.
I love when in an interview with Charlie Sheen he is confronted about having been abusive to one of the prostitutes he was sleeping with. He said something like "They don't know me, they're fools. They weren't there, they had no idea what really happened. I feel bad for a person who believes in the media."
This is not only true of people who believe the bad stuff they say about somebody via fragmented pieces of information, but also true about the great and amazing stuff they say about people. Trust me, I know this one for sure... without you knowing, that "amazing incredible human being" you just read about is an immature, self-centered and narcissistic asshole with no grip on reality. Truth is very scarce not only in the our daily social lives, but even more in the media. Don't believe everything you read - exaggerating, lying and sensationalizing are very easy to do. I know, I've done it many times, as have you, so you know.
The people that make me the most sad are the people who buy their own press. The more I notice the illusions the more turned off I get and the less impressed I am by superficial things and accomplishments. People with the greatest sense of fashion and the greatest sense of creating a perfect illusion are such turn-offs. I guess it's the ultimate booby prize of seeing through all of this stuff and maturing some. I've been a pro at selling myself as well, except it never worked too well because my honesty always blew things for me. I always give away my secrets and always end up confessing my lies. I guess nature just made me that way.
In fact, I want to tell you and encourage you to not believe any of the stuff you see on my Facebook. I may have meant something in the moment I wrote it, but once a few minutes have passed I might have changed my mind. Don't believe the story my pictures tell you, because for the most part they say very little about me. Don't buy this article, because I will probably have forgotten that I even wrote it by the time you ask me about it... it happens to me all the time.
Life is too big to cram it into Facebook... so is a personality, a relationship, a family, a soul, a body, a mind. The amount of truth to be found in Facebook is very close to zero. And the same is true for show business. I learned the hard way... and it hurt a lot. Consider yourself warned... life is not what you think it is... it's way more.
PS - By the way... In reality I have less than 10 friends, I have hiked very little, I don't party much at all, the food I eat is usually good, but I usually have to cook it myself. My vacations are not always amazing, I don't really have all that many amazing times, my life is plain, my relationship with my boyfriend has highs and lows, I am far from being a wise guru, I am definitely not perfectly mature (haha), I like to pretend like I'm angry to be cool, but I'm not really that angry, I'm a sensitive cry-baby, people don't always show their love in a nice way to me that much, in fact... that's not even close to true, and I'm just living an ordinary, simple life. Like you are - no matter how much you try to cover it up.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The Fear of Intimacy
It is hard to be intimate without having to feel our emotions. Intimacy implies closeness and vulnerability. Sadly most of us are unable to have intimacy without sex. This is where most of our sexual issues come from. Intimacy without sex is lame for us. What's the point of being close, being affectionate toward one another if it's not for sex?
Sadly, we deny ourselves the fullness of multidimensional affection and it becomes impossible for us to share intimacy without getting it mixed up with sex. This, to me, is the crux of sexual issues. We have associated affection with sex. This is why many of us assume that if there is any kind of intimacy between any two human beings, that must mean they are fucking each other.
It's funny, I've had people tell me that they know I have sex with my brother! All because we share a level of intimacy that most would envy. Of course I don't have sex with my brother! Of course I don't have sex with all the people that I am affectionate and intimate with! I just don't fear intimacy or affection and I don't have them mixed up with sex!
Don't you ever long to just cuddle? Or have your hair played with? Or be hugged or kissed? Or to sleep in the same bed as someone else? All independent from sex? Of course you do! It's human nature! We love intimacy and closeness. We love close friendships and close relationships. We love affection, intimacy and love. The thing is that since we have most of all of it linked up with sex and since sex is such a bad and evil dirty thing... then yuck!
The other thing is that intimacy is associated with vulnerability and being a loser. Tears of joy or tears of sorrow are such a close and intimate thing... and this too we fear. I am not suggesting we open up to the whole planet and let our closest and deepest emotions flower in the midst of any situation. I am merely suggesting, that perhaps there are times and moments when it is okay to allow ourselves to be intimate with one another.
Why do you think women love gay men so much? In many cases, it has to do with the ability of being intimate without the lust or sex factor. Women crave that! That is why they cling so much to their babies... because a baby can provide a level of intimacy and affection completely disconnected from sex.
I think a lot of sexual issues can come from linking innocence, intimacy, affection and closeness with sex all the time. We are in times when if we say somebody is very attractive or has a great body, that automatically must mean we want to fuck them. If we say we have great chemistry with someone that must mean that we want to have sex with them. We are living in times when if our Karate instructor is attractive and comes to physically adjust our body position we feel uncomfortable because we cannot disconnect intimacy from sex. This is a pathology and I know it all too well because I was a sex addict back in the college days.
I was longing for intimacy, affection, connection, acceptance and love - and the only way to experience a little bit of it was through feeling like I was being tended by someone outside of me that was into me. I had no separation and no ability to unlink intimacy from sex. There was a point in my life where I looked at my phone directory and I had had sexual contact with every single person on the list. I could not have a friendship or a relationship with any level of intimacy that did not lead to sex. In a way it was pure HELL. I was skipping over what I truly wanted - connection, relationship, bonding and sanity. Sadly it became a downward spiral of lack of self-worth, lack of integrity, lack of dignity, lack of honesty and lack of life. Lust became my master and it was the only thing that could make me feel alive. My life became superficial, empty and depressed. I had no idea that what was happening was that I was TERRIFIED OF INTIMACY BECAUSE I WAS TERRIFIED OF FACING MY EMOTIONS.
I am sure the same was true for pretty much every single person I used to hook up with. And that is why I am posting this, because I am sure I am not the only one who was unconsciously going through all of this. Everything was so confusing and unclear. Sex has become so perverted along with our minds and our emotions. Cravings, impulses and fear are the main dictators of our behaviors. It's like we don't own ourselves anymore - mostly because we live in an innocently ignorant confusion that we can't overcome.
May this writing shed some light on why we have behaved and behave the way we do as a human race. Don't buy the stories that sex and intimacy have to go together... I can tell you for sure that that is absolutely not true. I have found a level of inner clarity and peace and have discovered what it is like to have one's will free, instead of controlled by unconscious drivers - maturity is the hope and the heaven we are all longing for, because when one is being driven by our unconscious material... hell is the only product and we look back and wonder what the heck that whole nightmare was all about. This is why when time goes on and one notices the things that fall away by grace one says that one has awoken to the truth. One feels in touch with reality and control over our emotions and impulses is finally available to us. We are no longer victims of the shit we do that we don't want to do or the shit we say that we don't want to say... not that we become perfect, but we learn how to say I'M SORRY.
What could be more intimate and devoid of sex than that?
Sadly, we deny ourselves the fullness of multidimensional affection and it becomes impossible for us to share intimacy without getting it mixed up with sex. This, to me, is the crux of sexual issues. We have associated affection with sex. This is why many of us assume that if there is any kind of intimacy between any two human beings, that must mean they are fucking each other.
It's funny, I've had people tell me that they know I have sex with my brother! All because we share a level of intimacy that most would envy. Of course I don't have sex with my brother! Of course I don't have sex with all the people that I am affectionate and intimate with! I just don't fear intimacy or affection and I don't have them mixed up with sex!
Don't you ever long to just cuddle? Or have your hair played with? Or be hugged or kissed? Or to sleep in the same bed as someone else? All independent from sex? Of course you do! It's human nature! We love intimacy and closeness. We love close friendships and close relationships. We love affection, intimacy and love. The thing is that since we have most of all of it linked up with sex and since sex is such a bad and evil dirty thing... then yuck!
The other thing is that intimacy is associated with vulnerability and being a loser. Tears of joy or tears of sorrow are such a close and intimate thing... and this too we fear. I am not suggesting we open up to the whole planet and let our closest and deepest emotions flower in the midst of any situation. I am merely suggesting, that perhaps there are times and moments when it is okay to allow ourselves to be intimate with one another.
Why do you think women love gay men so much? In many cases, it has to do with the ability of being intimate without the lust or sex factor. Women crave that! That is why they cling so much to their babies... because a baby can provide a level of intimacy and affection completely disconnected from sex.
I think a lot of sexual issues can come from linking innocence, intimacy, affection and closeness with sex all the time. We are in times when if we say somebody is very attractive or has a great body, that automatically must mean we want to fuck them. If we say we have great chemistry with someone that must mean that we want to have sex with them. We are living in times when if our Karate instructor is attractive and comes to physically adjust our body position we feel uncomfortable because we cannot disconnect intimacy from sex. This is a pathology and I know it all too well because I was a sex addict back in the college days.
I was longing for intimacy, affection, connection, acceptance and love - and the only way to experience a little bit of it was through feeling like I was being tended by someone outside of me that was into me. I had no separation and no ability to unlink intimacy from sex. There was a point in my life where I looked at my phone directory and I had had sexual contact with every single person on the list. I could not have a friendship or a relationship with any level of intimacy that did not lead to sex. In a way it was pure HELL. I was skipping over what I truly wanted - connection, relationship, bonding and sanity. Sadly it became a downward spiral of lack of self-worth, lack of integrity, lack of dignity, lack of honesty and lack of life. Lust became my master and it was the only thing that could make me feel alive. My life became superficial, empty and depressed. I had no idea that what was happening was that I was TERRIFIED OF INTIMACY BECAUSE I WAS TERRIFIED OF FACING MY EMOTIONS.
I am sure the same was true for pretty much every single person I used to hook up with. And that is why I am posting this, because I am sure I am not the only one who was unconsciously going through all of this. Everything was so confusing and unclear. Sex has become so perverted along with our minds and our emotions. Cravings, impulses and fear are the main dictators of our behaviors. It's like we don't own ourselves anymore - mostly because we live in an innocently ignorant confusion that we can't overcome.
May this writing shed some light on why we have behaved and behave the way we do as a human race. Don't buy the stories that sex and intimacy have to go together... I can tell you for sure that that is absolutely not true. I have found a level of inner clarity and peace and have discovered what it is like to have one's will free, instead of controlled by unconscious drivers - maturity is the hope and the heaven we are all longing for, because when one is being driven by our unconscious material... hell is the only product and we look back and wonder what the heck that whole nightmare was all about. This is why when time goes on and one notices the things that fall away by grace one says that one has awoken to the truth. One feels in touch with reality and control over our emotions and impulses is finally available to us. We are no longer victims of the shit we do that we don't want to do or the shit we say that we don't want to say... not that we become perfect, but we learn how to say I'M SORRY.
What could be more intimate and devoid of sex than that?
Friday, August 19, 2011
The Embrace Of My Fortune
It is hard to accept oneself in a world that can be so reluctant to allowing nature to be what it is. I hereby embrace the fact that I was blessed with beauty - a beautiful face, beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, a beautiful nose, beautiful ears, beautiful lips, beautiful hands, beautiful arms, beautiful legs and a beautiful body in general. I am very blessed to have been born with a beauty that can easily be globally appreciated. I am grateful for being tall, handsome and healthy.
I hereby embrace, thank and accept my fortune of having a beautiful voice, a beautiful mind and a beautiful soul. I embrace my beautiful emotional body and I feel grateful for having a wonderful psychological structure and personality that allows me to embrace myself in every direction.
I embrace that I have a beautiful family, with a beautiful Dad and Mom and beautiful siblings. I have a beautiful set of people I know and am close with. I am grateful and acknowledge and embrace my friends.
I seriously feel like I got it all. I have a beautiful education and a beautiful mindset. I am healthy, realistic, mature and sincere. I appreciate and embrace and accept that I am honest and loving. I am beautifully caring and accepting.
On the material level I appreciate, recognize, accept and embrace that I live in a beautiful neighborhood, that I have a beautiful car.
I embrace, accept and feel proud of my career as a guide and teacher. I love my website and my videos and my writings and my expressions. I feel proud of who I am as a human and enjoy exploring my journey. I've had a beautiful journey and I accept myself on every level.
I recognize that I am an emotionally, financially and spiritually responsible being who is a gem and jewel in this world. I embrace my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual beauty completely and feel no shame or apology for it. I am blessed beyond belief.
I am proud of my hard work and am excited to enjoy the benefits of humility, compassion and true love. I embrace, accept and enjoy myself on every aspect and guilt, shame, pride and doubt are no longer part of my values. I value self-love and self-love only and I extend that outwards to those who can receive it.
I am in love.
I hereby embrace, thank and accept my fortune of having a beautiful voice, a beautiful mind and a beautiful soul. I embrace my beautiful emotional body and I feel grateful for having a wonderful psychological structure and personality that allows me to embrace myself in every direction.
I embrace that I have a beautiful family, with a beautiful Dad and Mom and beautiful siblings. I have a beautiful set of people I know and am close with. I am grateful and acknowledge and embrace my friends.
I seriously feel like I got it all. I have a beautiful education and a beautiful mindset. I am healthy, realistic, mature and sincere. I appreciate and embrace and accept that I am honest and loving. I am beautifully caring and accepting.
On the material level I appreciate, recognize, accept and embrace that I live in a beautiful neighborhood, that I have a beautiful car.
I embrace, accept and feel proud of my career as a guide and teacher. I love my website and my videos and my writings and my expressions. I feel proud of who I am as a human and enjoy exploring my journey. I've had a beautiful journey and I accept myself on every level.
I recognize that I am an emotionally, financially and spiritually responsible being who is a gem and jewel in this world. I embrace my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual beauty completely and feel no shame or apology for it. I am blessed beyond belief.
I am proud of my hard work and am excited to enjoy the benefits of humility, compassion and true love. I embrace, accept and enjoy myself on every aspect and guilt, shame, pride and doubt are no longer part of my values. I value self-love and self-love only and I extend that outwards to those who can receive it.
I am in love.
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