Why We Need Guides

If we're honest and quiet down a bit, it's not so hard to see that life is quite simple. Sure, this is a seeing that can easily be lost in a world that has gotten increasingly influenced by a variety of imposed conflicting ideas and structures.
Take for example what I just wrote, if you're simple and quiet you will not be wondering what I just wrote meant, it's not even a matter of being smart, bright or special, it's a matter of being relaxed and at ease.
To aid in restoring this ease and relaxation most of us will need guidance. Life is ultimately about balance and as we know, it is easy to lose our balance in the midst of the complexity of all the influences out there. A few religions is not enough, so we have thousands of them, a few diet plans are not enough, so we have thousands of them, a few general lifestyle paths are not enough, so we have thousands of them, a few countries are not enough, so we have hundreds of them, a few languages are not enough, so we have thousands... and on and on it goes.
Now, don't go jumping to conclusions, I am not suggesting that anything be different than it is, as far as I am concerned this vast variety is both inevitable and necessary. It is also what can make life so rich and wonderful. The problems come when there is conflict. Diversity is never a problem. It's conflict that can ruin the party. So it's okay to have different languages, cultures and countries -- it's the conflict that we want to mitigate and learn to resolve skillfuly. The point of a guide is to gently take you and me back to the simplicity of life so that you and I can become aware and grounded in the common source of all things. This way, you and I can see what is the same within what externally appears as different. This can lead to a natural and spontaneous dropping of any conflict within our maybe confused and conflicted internal system.
Once our system isn't confused anymore we are free to be what we are without conflict, without competition and without fear. And once this is accomplished, we can really start unleashing our true potential as a human beings in whatever areas we are drawn to excel at. Once balance is restored, our lives can be highly efficient and productive in a true sense. All our false senses of ability or false senses of accomplishment can disappear and we might be able to switch from just survival mode, to survival and celebration mode. And for that, we need guidance. Why? Because we have been thrown a million different things from a million different perspectives and we have been exposed a ton of apparently contradictory information and advice. We have been pushed and pulled and thrown out of balance in general. And just like our imbalance came from a bunch of differing and complex external guides, we need clear and simple external guides to help us regain our balance and find our way again.
Chances are, it will take a lot more than one guide to guide us back, it will likely take us many -- and if we know what to look for, we can learn from anyone or anything how to find our sanity, and balance again and find our way back to clarity and simplicity. All we need is to be sufficiently tired of the confusion and conflict that has been living in us and use that as fuel to develop a genuine intention to get clear and free -- after that, the guides come all by themselves... and we boy do need them!

Back Again

I never wanted to write something that revolved only around me again. There was such a great comfort in writing in "we" terms. That way I wasn't alone and I would be in the company of the rest of humanity. I was doing that as an excuse. I was saying "we are all messed up" because I didn't want to come face to face with "I am messed up."

It's unbelievable, I feel embarrassed about writing like a normal human being, I wanted to be this spiritual master that knew everything. My perfectionism reached its scariest limits when I decided to write a horrific message to a person that I love more than I can understand. I don't know why I love who I love how I love, but I do know that it has nothing to do with anything in this world. If the love was worldly, I would never be able to experience it for too long, I would always find people who are in a better worldly situation. True love is out of this world and out of the realm of reason and understanding. This is why we can't understand it and why it's so easy to doubt it so much. "Why would he or she love me?" we ask... the answer doesn't exist within the realm of the mind. It's true, on the worldly level there is always someone better than you and me, it's true, you and I are never going to be enough.

Reading the memoirs of Ricky Martin showed me that no matter how much we accomplish and how "far" we get in the world, what matters is something else. Living with a fairly accomplished father and seeing the emptiness of the American Dream accomplishment I realize that although it's really nice, and it has many benefits and I still want it, that's not where the real seed of happiness is.

I have been an ambitious and extreme perfectionist all my life. There is a part of me, that even though I love it and care for it, is a little devil -- I no longer mean that in a hateful way though, I mean it in a sweet, objective and truthful way. I don't judge myself as harshly as I used to. I have this beautiful customer at work that has two kids -- one she calls her little angel and the other she calls her little devil -- when I heard this, I instantly panicked and wanted to jump in to rescue the one that was being called little devil -- but I stopped myself and decided to look more closely. She meant it in a loving and beautiful way, she meant it with love, acceptance and compassion. Her eyes still shined with love as she gazed at this "devil," her touch was soft and gentle as she would ask for a kiss. She smiled as she called her that. Obviously this mom does not believe there is a fundamental difference between her angel and devil, she treated them both with the same amount of love.

Now I see that I can recognize that I can be a little devil, and I can be loving and compassionate with myself. I don't have to yell at myself inside and beat myself up.

I am becoming ever more deeply liberated from the tyranny of my own head. I am gradually seeing more and more things that I never thought I would let myself see about myself: how controlling I am, how judgmental, how addicted to attention I am, how insecure I am, how fake I am, how harsh I am, how addicted to being perceived as powerful and perfect I am, how I take advantage of people (especially my father), how much compassion I lack.

It hurts me, but in a good way, it is all leading me to innocence.

I always write about how I forgive everybody that ever did harm to me, but the truth is I realize that I need to ask forgiveness of all of those who I have harmed, which have been many. I have been rude, crass, tactless and harsh. I have been an asshole on many occasions, I have been really hard on people, just as hard as I have been on myself.

This is to the world, to the universe, to the entire Body of God: I am sorry.

Why I left illusion

Illusion is that thing that keeps you getting up in the morning and it gives you hope that things will be better in the future. It is that thing that intoxicates you in excitement and it makes you look forward to things. It can be infused into anything, a car, a house, a career, a relationship, a pair of shoes, anything. It has many, many benefits as well as many, many detriments. Most people live in it because it is familiar and culturally and socially encouraged, it's almost as if it was all we have left.

The reason why people stay in it, aside from the benefits, is because leaving it behind hurts like hell. Have you ever been through a tough break-up? This is what leaving illusion behind feels like. The relationship was being held by illusion, by hope, by dreams, by expectations, by attachment, by dependency and by the idea of a better future. Obviously, if it ended prematurely, all that had been within it was less than real. Reality by its definition and nature can't be undependable, it's the real.

What's funny is that we are left with a huge hangover, just like when we get drunk on either alcohol or a relationship or a spiritual experience or a failed attempt at an escape. The hangover can last for years! We got high or drunk on a potent illusory trance and now that the illusion broke down all we're left with is either the shock of the failure or the longing to go back into what was never really real in the first place.

Illusion is a tricky, powerful force that has the majority of humanity in its grip. It's not evil or bad, and it's not even trying to grip us... it's just that it's what we are taught to yearn for. When we are too little, say maybe 4 or 5, all we care about is playing around and discovering the world, we play in the mud and mess around with dirt. Well, that's changing these days, now we live in apartments and barely get to familiarize ourselves with nature, so maybe I am speaking for myself here (aren't we always?). Anyway, the point is that adults start encouraging illusion by asking us way before we're ready to tell them what we want to be when we grow up. Isn't that a ridiculous question? We usually answer back with whatever is hot in the illusion pool like doctor, firefighter, superstar or mailman. This is when the system starts to get conditioned towards chasing illusion. Later, everybody wants to be famous, wants to win the lottery, wants a million bucks (or preferably more), wants to be Puff Daddy or Lady Gaga and take off in their private jet with their suitcase packed with cash.

Illusion is rampant everywhere, any magazine, any TV channel, any conversation that you overhear anywhere is filled with illusions. At the time I am working in a café, and all I ever hear people talk about is illusion, illusion, illusion. Either the construction and pursuit of it or the destruction and breakdown of it. The construction feels great, you get people who are elated, their eyes light up, their plans are going to take off, they just got a new car, a new relationship, a new dog, a new job... it's all exciting and up from here. Illusion organizes itself and grips itself around the person and great expectations and plans arrive. Yuppy! Then there's the breakdown, the let down, the great deception, people talking about their financial issues, their breakup, tears and upset all over the place, depression, despondency, hopelessness, despair. It's all the trick of illusion.

I have fallen for illusion time and time again myself, but the consistency of the collapses of all fantasies that get formed when an illusion starts to be created by my naive and immature self has led me to see beyond it. Illusion is just too inconsistent and undependable, it always breaks down. The huge career, then becomes the great collapse. The accomplishment that you're super proud of, is followed by a great fall. The idea that something that was thrown in the air that sounds good will happen and sustain itself ALWAYS fails. The up and down of life and the down and up as well are just too predictable, illusion is a crazy-maker when you keep falling for it.

The departure of illusion is the biggest break-up of all, it's the last deception, the last disillusionment and it can take A LOT to get someone to give it up. Giving it up doesn't mean you stop living and you stop your life, it just means you stop believing that there is ANY reality in illusion. You see that illusion is just like magic and it's a trick and it's really enjoyable and cool and all, but you don't have any expectations of it. You know it's incredibly ephemeral and unpredictable and that all of its flavors are bound to keep on shifting. When you detach from illusion you feel like a surfer that enjoys the wave while it lasts and thinks its awesome... just like watching a movie which is obviously not real but we still feel the emotions. It's just that there's no attachment and no belief in the unreal.

A great shift in consciousness happens when you're willing to let yourself fall out of illusion all the way. You become liberated from the trap of identifying with anything or thinking that anything is permanent. You become empowered and sane, although you may seem insane to those caught in illusion. The world is filled with illusion junkies, those who are sober and choose to stay that way (for the most part) will definitely be misunderstood. They will seem like they're too at peace and too happy and healthy and that they must be delusional because of it. They will seem like they dismiss "reality" and just keep prancing along dancing through life as if it was some sort of illusion.

Thing is, the point is to be in the world but not of it... and those who aren't ready to abandon the attachment to illusion yet will never understand the magic dance of a liberated being! And that's why I left illusion! So long!

What ungrounds people

People who live in a frustrated state lose their ground because they have an imagined ideal of how the world "should" be. The dilemma is that the world is how it IS. What you see is what you get, period. When you create a division between what is and what you think should be you immediately set yourself up for failure.

Not all people are nice, not all days are sunny, not all rides are smooth, not all jobs are easy, not all days are great, not all interactions are comfortable, not all meals taste great, not all days you're healthy, not everything is funny, life is not always Disneyworld, every moment is not vacation, every instant can't be spent by the beach, not every moment is fun, every instant isn't comfortable and smooth.

There are mean people, there are crappy days, there are traffic jams, there are shitty jobs, there are bad days, people fight, there are poor tasting meals, sometimes we are sick, there is a lot of sad stuff, life is often hard work, there are times that require focused and narrow intention, one has to face the world, there are moments of tragedy, there are moments of great discomfort and bumps.

This is an attempt to convey the TOTAL truth of life. I've never been a fan of "be positive and don't be negative" thing... positivity IMPLIES negativity... so how about just keeping it REAL?

It takes a high degree of maturity to take what I am speaking about to the depths that it deserves. When people ingest the truth the world will be a much more effective place, not that I am waiting for it or demanding it. As far as I know life is fine just the way it is. The world is built on DUALITY so there is nothing within the world that holds the promise of permanence and stability. This is why deep and true spirituality is such an attraction to many of us because it has the power to takes us to a third perspective that allows us to connect with that which is beyond the opposites... that which is free, unbound, nondual and eternal.

If you're graced enough to stumble upon it, you're bound to get caught in it for some time, but remember bills are a reality and you have a life to lead. You will most likely inevitably get caught in there for quite a while -- but remember, you always have to come back from Disneyland. There is no perpetual vacation. The fact is you have a life to lead -- and as scary as that might seem, you can do it! I guarantee it! A tip? Hook into what you desire most.

Spiritual Evolution

It is funny how things can often be totally backwards from what we are taught they are. We are taught to believe that progress and virtue are things that we gain and accomplish through effort and accumulation.

This, if you think about it deeply, cannot be true. We are naturally virtuous and successful. The mere fact that we exist is perfect proof of this. The mere fact that we are alive and donned with a body, a mind and a soul are proof that we are already highly accomplished and highly virtuous and graced.

To realize this fully, one has to stop. Stopping in our culture isn't seen as something noble... our culture teaches us to accumulate and to keep the "fight" up.

The confusion and angst that goes through a being that has been stopped simply because he or she is too spiritually mature to keep the false game of pursuing happening can be agonizing. All sorts of symptoms can come out of this... depression, psychotic breaks, panic attacks, anxiety, fear, among many others.

Sadly, since our culture doesn't understand this, these poor souls are often diagnosed, judged and pressured even more. Not only does the pressure come from the outer voices, but also from the most persistent of all, the voice in our own head that came from outer culture itself. These conditioned voices are usually so wrong about everything, that it is really a shame that we ever believed or continue to believe them.

For those of you who know or sense what I am talking about, relax. There is nothing wrong with you, nothing has gone wrong. What is happening is simply that the old mental models that used to function for you (if they ever did) are no longer functioning. Your body is rejecting these inadequate ideals in an attempt to reharmonize with truly connected functioning.

This process is usually anything but pleasurable because there are generations of conditioning living within you that are being cleared out through your system. You have no idea how lucky you are to be experiencing this.

Think of yourself as a chosen one who has been chosen to release all the generations that came before you. In time, with love and patience, you will bring to the world something new and fresh... you won't be a repeat. You will be a new, authentic and connected being. The price to pay for this gift isn't low... you will have to put up with a lot. You will be misunderstood, you will be feared, you will be questioned and you will be labeled many negative things. The price will be worth it though because what will be born through you is a lot more precious and valuable than anything that has ever happened before. It will be the new consciousness, it will be unlike anything that has ever or will ever exist.

Don't be afraid, it's a very simple happening. Things will start to fall in place mysteriously and you will start to appreciate yourself again. It really helps to be nice and understanding with yourself and others along the process, of course this will be very difficult because it goes against our generational habits of intolerance and lack of understanding.

A suggestion of mine is to remember that everything happens for a reason, you are the way you are for many reasons and others are the way they are for many reasons... there are usually so many reasons that one can never know the complete answer. Usually we are intolerant of ourselves and others because we haven't been fully in touch with the essence of our beings. That is okay though; there is no judgment or blame in that. The toughest thing to do is to ease up on oneself and others... but even though this can be very, very tough... it must be done, otherwise you'll just suffer.

Understanding is a vital key to allowing the birthing of your new self to unfold. It is not easy, but it is possible. Get enlightened.

The Change of Season

We mortals are part of all that's transient
All form moves to the beat of the same drum
There isn't a single manifestation that isn't affected by the swings of totality
There is no such thing as structural stability

A flower withers when the season doesn't favor it
A dog sheds its coat when it becomes obsolete
The wardrobe suffers changes
And hibernation and migration take place

It's wonderful to be conscious
And see the cosmic shifts
Experience all the cycles
And see the falling leaves

Transformation isn't always pleasant
Neither is life
But a being that's in alignment
Can experience depth and truth

As the shells start to collapse
In response to a season's change
Reality starts to break in
And triumph once again

The fearlessness of falling
Starts to dawn within the brave
As those who are frightened harden
And hold on to their shell

My shell is way too broken
My heart is way too open
My trust is too enormous
I see the light again

Slice me
Dice me
Cut through me
For I am fearless and transparent

Giving Life To Space

It is so beautiful to take a square of a blank note and decorate it with a living creation. Before there was any text in this white box there was simply a beautiful white nothing. The reason for creation is pure celebration and joy. This is why God created the Universe. Sitting there for a trillion years staring at the pure potential of emptiness, there had to come a day where the creative capabilities had to be expressed. Had God never said "Let there be light" there wouldn't have been extended opportunities for little mortals like myself to take a blank page or a silent voice and turn it into a song that could be recorded onto a medium.

Now that the silent potential has taken on the form of a sad song, the creative gift can be shared with those who have an empty slot waiting to be filled.

The polishing of one's creative abilities gives rise to a confidence beyond what one imagined possible. The whole world is left behind and one discovers one's innate power and passion. When we connect with what we truly desire and see through all the conflicts that stand in the way of passionate creation, we slowly start to sense an immense power that pulls us towards our calling. At this point all sorts of fears get triggered: "Am I ready?" and a bunch of "What ifs?" stand in the way.

Others on their way look at you and have no clue of what you are going through, usually you are coming out of a desert that nobody will allow themselves to experience... but there comes a point where others disappear and you stand in your great aloneness. You are faced with making the decision to shed your caterpillar suit and blossom into the beautiful butterfly that you were always destined to become. The terror and panic triggered by the death of the body that has been so familiar starts to become sparkling excitement.

You become more and more maturely excited about your opportunity to give life to space. You will now take potential and shape it in the form of your deepest intentions. You will become a co-creator with God and will you discover what true life enjoyment is all about.

Sense the light and joy and give life to space, creation is what life is all about. Shine your light -- it is your destiny!