What's The Point Anyway?

Somehow at some point in my life I decided that I was going to pretend like I was always doing well and living my life with a sense of meaning and purpose. It seemed like a good marketing strategy as a voice teacher living in a very competitive and capitalistic world.

How will I present myself to the world if I want to seem attractive and compelling? Well, by coming off as a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. A guy that always has a passionate fire burning within and is always enthralled and in love with his life and his life's work. A guy that is always lit up and happy to be alive. It was a good plan, wouldn't you say? I mean, who wants to study voice, acting or work on their self-esteem with a miserable dud. How will I put food on the table if I don't figure out how to appeal to my prospective students?

So yeah, I've always been that strategic planner that does things with attention to detail and with awareness of the implications of his choices. Well, not always, but you know what I mean - after I grew up and stuff.

As a teenager I was always embarrassed to have friends over. I always thought my house needed to be repainted, cleaned up and organized. Somehow, I always felt like the disheveled state that I perceived my house to be in said something about me.

Truth be told, and contrary to my boyfriend's belief. I take tremendous pride in the way that I present to the world. It is utterly important to me that my house, my car, my body, my, my clothes and even my spelling and social media don't elicit the idea that I am some sort of unaware hot mess.

And like many people, I made the mistake of linking my pride in myself with an outrageous sense of entitlement.

In other words, I felt that if I was educated, fit, clean, organized and presented myself in a professional, skilled and well refined fashion, I would automatically be granted success in whichever endeavors I pursued with sincere intention. Because after all, isn't that what is drilled into our brains from the second we come out of the womb? (Or should I say from the second we are conceived?)

"You are the master of your own destiny" - do this, this and this and you'll get this, this and this. But it's just not true is it?

So there, that's where the "what's the point?" title of this post comes from. When you feel like you're doing your best, when you feel like you're being earnest and sincere, when you feel like you are working really hard and paying attention to just about every angle but are just not seeing the expected results. What happens?

I don't know about you, but for me it's a state of helplessness and despair. And then a story starts to deeply embed itself in the fabric of my unconscious. "It's pointless" - I won't get recognized or rewarded for my efforts anyway. "What's the point of working and trying so hard if I can't even pay my bills?" "Better to stay on the couch and stay on my phone."

This is what in psychology is known as learned helplessness. It's a pattern and cycle that becomes extremely difficult to become conscious of in oneself. And it can happen to us in any area of our lives.

For me, it usually gets me with career stuff. For others it gets them with relationships. For others it gets them with health and fitness. For others it gets them with life as a whole. For my students, it can get them with vocalizing.

Giving up is doesn't always happen because we're lazy and because we want things to be easy. Giving up can also happen because we are literally burned out and tired of attempting to achieve something without any measure of success that we can account for. It happens because life can be hard, society can be unfair, people can be cruel and stuff can just suck sometimes.

But the hardest thing to get past is the idea that we are in control and that we are entitled to something. And the other hard thing to get past is giving up on our familiar persistent desires and wishes. Another thing our culture drills into our head to NEVER give up on no matter what. Another piece of shitty advice that we can thank the delusional world we live in for. And come at me with your rebuttals, because I am ready.

The point of my sharing this is not to be negative, although it will inevitably appear that way to anyone who is still in the phase of ardently trying or anyone who is in the phase of enjoying the illusion of having created their own success. But the point of me sharing this is for creating awareness around how real life can work sometimes and letting you know that if you're burned out and feeling hopeless and tired of the "same old shit" - that you know that you are not alone and that you are not crazy or lazy or stupid. Because you are not. You are just experiencing some very justified exhaustion and weariness that is part of being alive.

Regardless of what privileged people say, life is really, really hard sometimes and it's okay to admit that and to wonder what the point of all of this is. Sometimes, asking that question is perfectly reasonable and normal. Sometimes feeling like a victim that has not been lucky and who the gods must be playing a joke on is a natural result of walking on this earth. And in my book, that is totally normal, natural and even acceptable.

So there. Maybe there isn't a point. Maybe it's okay that you're fed up and tired. Maybe you just need to know that someone knows how you feel and understands you. Maybe you just need to know that it's natural to feel the way you feel sometimes. Maybe you just need to know that you are OK. Maybe you just need to know that there is nothing wrong with you.

Maybe you just need to hear that the way you feel makes sense. Maybe you just need a hug.

And here is my hug to you.