I don't know about you, but the thinkers I respect the most are the ones that are very secure in the knowledge they posses and in the views they hold. Of course I'm not talking about obstinate and closed-minded know-it-alls. I'm talking about thinkers who have views and information that are rooted in something much greater than speculation, emotion or shaky sourcing.
As a strong and deep thinker myself, I have found myself in countless debates with people who get highly triggered by the confidence and security behind the positions and perspectives I hold. And even though I hold less and less of these as I mature more and more, the few that remain and I hold on dearly to are just as threatening to those who don’t seem to feel as certain and secure in their personal convictions.
And here's the thing. Well, let me give you this analogy - since I love analogies. Not many days ago, I was putting shelves in my closet. To put them on, I had to find the places in the wall that are supported by what's called a stud. A stud, for those of you that don't know, is a part of the foundation of the wall that is solid and keeps that wall in place. It's like the skeleton of the wall.
Anyway, in a few misses, I drilled a hole and put a screw into the parts of the wall that had no stud, these screws where not supported by much more than the plaster the wall was made of, in other words, there was nothing solid or substantial behind it. Any shelf I would try to hang on that would eventually collapse, as plaster alone could not secure much.
So just like that, if we're going to have a belief, opinion, view or idea that we're going to feel secure about, we're going to have to base it on a stud that can support and have something quite substantial and solid in place. Here are some things that are not substantial or solid enough to allow us to be secure or confident in our view:
1. Emotion.
2. Speculation.
3. Superstition.
4. Assumption.
5. Fear.
Although any or all of these could work with someone who is not a strong thinker, they will never work with someone who has spent a great deal of time "stud finding" (to go on with my metaphor). None of these things could ever trump the following:
1. Awareness.
2. Experience.
3. Experimentation.
4. Evidence.
5. Testing.
To arrive at information, views and knowledge that have something solid behind it, we have to do more than just spew out our inherited, passed down, unquestioned beliefs and assumptions. It takes actual work and deep digging to find views that we're not going to feel insecure about.
The way to know if we're secure and have arrived at a view that is holistic is when we don't easily feel triggered when somebody challenges our point of view. When our point of view is in alignment with the powerful force of reality, it is pretty much in place as securely as a view can be.
That's the nice thing about it, reality is self-confirming because we are wired to feel in harmony and balance when we are aligned with it. All half-baked beliefs and views come with an immense amount of insecurity in them. That is why people get so emotional and "passionate" about their views - because they feel they have to campaign for them with all their might in order to keep feeling like how they see things is actually true.
And lest anyone reading this misconstrue my point: I am not saying that feeling very secure in what you believe is evidence that the belief is accurate - our capacity to be deluded and out of alignment is obviously monumental. What I am saying is that if our views bring us a sense of harmony, simplicity, peace and relaxation along with a feeling of warmth, clarity and love, that is how we know that we are in alignment with reality.
When we feel insecure, defensive, reactive and emotional, we can be pretty sure that something is out of whack.
I love how we are wired to reflect our state of mind. Any misinformation or out-of-whack belief will cause a state of insecurity and anxiety. The truth and sound and solid views don't have to attack, defend, react or go into crisis in order to make their point known.
So if you find yourself getting threatened by someone expressing their view or position that doesn't align with yours (or lack of yours) - use this as a gauge that there is more work to be done in the investigation department. Of course, if security and confidence are things you value. I have never seen someone becoming non-defensive and secure in their views without using their intelligence in a very pointed way to arrive at a place of clarity.
Maybe sometimes people do get there by virtue of aging, but I am of the bias that getting clear and straight in your mind, heart and gut does take some pointed and intentional work. Especially in a world that is full of folks that get by with very shaky foundations. If they survive and get away with it, then why bother? My answer: because paying the price of living in a state of psycho-emotional insecurity is no fun at all. And it leads to a lot of craziness. Invest a little, dig deeper and find some good instruction and guidance, I think it's worth it. It will make you more secure in yourself and way more confident. Of course this is assuming you haven't yet signed up to go on this ride. It's a long one, but it's a fun one. And it's totally worth it.
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